Patience
by Eyana
Summary: The Merovingian has a little "test" in store for the Twins. Humor. Please R
1. Of Tropical Green and Sparkly Things

Title: PATIENCE  
  
Author: Eyana  
  
Rating: PG-13. Will be strong language later.. now its pretty tame.  
  
Summary: The Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.  
  
Distribution: Ask me first, archive later.  
  
Warnings: Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.  
  
Author's Note: My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.  
  
Disclaimer: God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine.. So I'm left with crap.  
  
Feedback: E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com No flames please.  
  
CHAPTER ONE:  
  
"How long has it been now?"  
  
"46 minutes. Stop asking, you have the same watch I do."  
  
"I know. But I'm reading."  
  
"Well what the bloody hell do you think I'm doing?"  
  
Twin One rustled his magazine, annoyed, and turned the page carefully, letting the brightly colored text and gorgeous pictures seep into his simulated eyes. They had been killing time for more than half an hour in the small waiting room of the "Pretty Betsy Nail Salon" while the Merovingian was in the back room. One had given up counting how many blonde big-breasted women had entered the store and decided to follow Two's example in checking-out whatever wonderful reading material this establishment had to offer. Finally accepting that they did not carry his favorite magazine of "Killing Slowly Weekly" (they were supposed to have 50 ways of torturing your enemy with a butter knife in the next issue) he settled for an old edition of "Beautiful Hair" instead.  
  
"How long could it possibly take?" One muttered behind his magazine, and glanced at Two, who had a delighted smirk on his face as he read the latest edition of "Hollywood Gossip".  
  
"Excuse me?" a rather perky attendant asked from the front of the store, staring at the pair with somewhat disturbed eyes. Perhaps it wasn't usual for two albino twins with silver dreadlocks and matching suits to enter her store. Then again, was it usual anywhere? Both Twins put down their magazines simultaneously, looking up at the redhead with the gap in her teeth.  
  
"Are you two with Mr. Merovingian?"  
  
"Close enough" Two commented, and nodded slightly.  
  
The women smiled and gestured towards the back room. "He wants to see you now."  
  
The Twins stood up, tossed their magazines aside and followed the women behind the curtain with even, confident strides. One would never admit it out loud, but the reason they were able to synchronize their walk so precisely was by silently saying their mantra "Hot shit, hot shit hot shit".  
  
Once they had passed the curtain, the Twins stopped dead in their tracks and dumbly looked at the sight before them. There sat the Merovingian, wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe, a lime green facial, sparkly clips in his hair and surrounded by female attendants papering him like there was no tomorrow.  
  
"Not again.." Two muttered.  
  
The Merovingian smiled, and gestured for them to come closer, careful not to disturb his new manicure. The Twins obeyed hesitantly, silently wishing that they didn't have a boss that listened to Britney Spears.  
  
"Well?" he asked, placing his chin out slightly, "what do you think?"  
  
The Twins looked at each other, and then back at the Merovingian, completely unaware of what the hell he was talking about. Twin One was about to comment on what he thought about the salons variety in magazines when the Merovingian cleared his throat a little to loudly.  
  
"The color. THE COLOR!" He ordered in his thick French accent,  
wiggling his newly buffed toes at the twins.  
  
"Oh" One stammered, glanced at his boss' violently squirming digits before answering quickly "very nice. Tropical green suits you."  
  
The Merovingian relaxed with the compliment, adjusted his fuzzy bathrobe, and smiled once again. "I suppose you are wondering why I have asked you here."  
  
The Twins nodded slightly.  
  
"You are two of my best bodyguards, and do not think I don't take  
pleasure in watching you.." he paused, a perverted smirk spreading  
across his face ".do your work. But recently I have become somewhat  
displeased in what you do. Which is why I have decided to perform a  
little.. experiment on the two of you. Call it a test if you wish."  
The Merovingian purred as an attendant started to rub coconut oil on  
his temples.  
  
Two looked up, his eyebrows knitted together. "Displeased? Test? What have we done to deserve-"  
  
"SILENCE!" The Merovingian shouted, wiggling his toes like they were unattached from his body. "Do I have to remind you of the Anakaw incident?"  
  
One sighed angrily, "I told you! I didn't mean to kill him, but he was so drunk and kept pinching me in the ass and calling me Rudolf in-front of all the workers at the gas-station-" The Merovingian unexpectedly threw a perfume bottle at One's head, spouting French curses and numerous versions of "Silence" through his teeth. Twin One shut-up, rubbing his new bruise.  
  
"You both obviously have some lessons to learn, and fortunately I am  
just the genius program to teach them to you. If you had a shred of  
patience in your miserable code then perhaps the Anakaw would still be  
alive and I would have those furry slippers by now!" The Merovingian snarled, waving his arms as if he was capable of making a point with them.  
  
After a few moments, he sat back into his chair and stretched his hand out delicately, allowing the attendant to continue buffing.  
"Now, you will take this gateway key, and go through that portal," he  
motioned with the piece of metal towards the door at the right. "Once  
inside, you will not be able to leave for exactly six hours. I have  
written a wonderful little program for you, and I'm sure-" the  
Merovingian bent forward, exposing his perfectly bleached teeth, "you  
will acquire some new talents upon its conclusion."  
  
One shuddered. Two stared at the Merovingian, bug eyed, through his sunglasses.  
  
The Merovingian tossed the Twins the key, and proceeded to spout commands in French to the salon attendants that seemed to have doubled in number. Although Two's French was not as extensive as the Merovingian's, he overheard the words "diaper" and "lollypop" then quickly blocked out the rest. Knowing that they were excused, the Twins dragged themselves over to the door and fumbled with the key.  
  
"Do we really have to do this?"  
  
"YOU weren't the one who got a bottle hucked at his head"  
  
"Well why the hell didn't you phase?"  
  
"..shut up."  
  
Twin One opened the door and the two slowly stepped through. While they entered their new surrounding, both could only think of one thing: it's amazing how little Persephone knew about her husband.  
  
************************************ 


	2. Hour One: The Chocolate Streak

Title: PATIENCE  
  
Author: Eyana  
  
Rating: PG-13. Strong language at times.  
  
Summary: The Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.  
  
Distribution: Ask me first, archive later.  
  
Warnings: Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.  
  
Author's Note: My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.  
  
Disclaimer: God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine.. So I'm left with crap.  
  
Feedback: E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com. No flames please.  
  
CHAPTER TWO:  
  
Hour: 1  
  
The light was at first blinding, reaching and clawing past their identical sunglasses and burning into their eyes. Just when the Twins thought they could not stand it any longer, the dull sting growing into a raging burn, the light faded and disappeared. Two brought his hand down from in front of his face, blinking hard and correcting his code so his eyes would adjust.  
  
"That was new."  
  
They looked around quickly, pale dreadlocked heads snapping in every direction, trying to recognize anything about their new environment. They were in what appeared to be an over sized room (if such a thing existed), fluffy clouds and shiny butterflies painted boldly across the walls.  
  
"Damn him."  
  
There seemed to be large stuffed animals placed in each corner of the room, toys of every nature were littered around the bubble-gum pink carpet. "Damn him. Damn him. Damn him. Damn him."  
  
The ceiling was covered with ridiculous paintings of farm animals and stars. In the background, radiating out of some horrible orifice hidden in the walls, played a slightly off-tune version of "Pop goes the Weasel."  
  
"We're in Hell."  
  
Finally the Twins' eyes rested on the small creature standing before them. There mouths dropped in horrid awe, and if it were possible for albinos to turn pale then they did it then. Sweat dripped from their beautiful features and slithered down their cheeks, simultaneously, glazing their skin in an iridescent shine. Nonononono this could not be happening.  
  
"Hi!" the tiny creature piped, large crooked teeth arranged in a chocolate stained grin.  
  
The Twins stood before it, un-answering, uncomprehending. Of all the "tests" the Merovingian could have contrived, this was the worst one possible.  
  
The creature took a deep breath, as if each breath had to be carefully thought out in order to occur, and then it continued. "Uncle Merovingian said that you twos would take care of me today and I was really happy not cuz I needs babysitting but I don't gets so many visitors here and I broughts outs all my toys so we can play all day and why do you look like that did your mamma drop you?" The creature rocked back and forth on its feet, waiting for a reply.  
  
One's eye began to twitch again. He looked down desperately into the hand that was holding the key the Merovingian gave them. It had mysteriously disappeared.  
  
"No." he whimpered.  
  
He snapped his head to the side, looking for the door through which they entered. It had also vanished. There were no doors or windows to be found.  
  
"No!" he stammered.  
  
He immediately ran in a random direction, phased into a green vapor, and charged at a wall expecting to pass through it. He only smacked his head against its hard, polished surface, the force vibrating through his skull with pain.  
  
"NOOOOO!" He screamed, cupping his forehead and bending down into a little ball.  
  
"Oh dear..." Two sighed, and walked over to his twin, who was sobbing and muttering strange things to himself. It appeared that the Merovingian had somehow programmed the room so that the two of them could not phase through it. Smart bastard. Two bent down, gently stroking his Twin's back, trying to comfort his insane twitching.  
  
"I don't like children anymore than you do-"  
  
"THAT is NOT a child!" One interrupted, pointing a trembling finger at the grinning being. "THAT is everything I hate and fear embodied in a pudding- smeared MIDGET!"  
  
The creature giggled.  
  
Two frowned, and attempted to continue to comfort his brother. One had acquired an intense fear of children ever since that little boy at the park smeared ice-cream on his silver coat. It took him days to coax him out of the washroom, all his Twin would utter was incoherent ramblings of "Still.. not.. clean." Even now, One flinched every time an ice-cream truck passed them on the street.  
  
"It's only for a few hours, and after that, when we get back, I'll take you to the supermarket and you can poke all the fresh buns you want. I know how much you enjoy watching the shoppers squint in disgust at the little finger holes you leave in the rolls.."  
  
By this time, One had stopped sobbing and was actually looking at his brother with a hint of a smile laced across his lips. He reached up and stretched a finger under his sunglasses to wipe a tear away.  
  
"Promise?"  
  
Two smiled, knowing that he had succeeded yet again. He was becoming increasingly good at this. "Promise."  
  
The Twins stood up, and cautiously walked back to where the little creature stood. The unbelievably large smile still remained on its face. Its hair was tied back into two messy pigtails, and it wore a purple and pink jumper with matching runners. All One could concentrate on was the smear of chocolate across its left cheek. If it's on its face, then it has to be on its hands.  
  
"My name's Samantha. What's yours?" it asked in a squeakily high voice.  
  
"Uh. My name is Two, and this here is One." He pointed to his brother, who was hiding behind him.  
  
The being laughed uncontrollably. Great. A child-program with a hint of insanity. Just the Merovingian's style.  
  
"Two? One?" She asked, laughing like some sort of barnyard swine. "Dids your parents name you off Sesame Street?" One twitched again, grinding his teeth together and gripping his coat subconsciously. Two scowled, and simply answered with the same answer he gave everyone who asked about his and his brother's "unusual" names.  
  
"We're too bad-ass to have regular names."  
  
Samantha ignored their response, " Uncle Merovingian said that I could play any games I wants with you, and that you would play anyfings I wants. So I decided thats I want to play teaparty!"  
  
The Twins stiffened, and shifted their eyes back and forth. Surely the child was not serious.  
  
It was. Without a hint of hesitation, the child retreated only to return with the smallest chair and table set the Twins had ever seen. It proceeded to carefully place a pink flower-painted tea set on the table top, centering the cups far more precisely than any human child could.  
  
Oh dear god.  
  
Samantha jumped eagerly into the chair in the middle, and waited for the Twins to sit down. To One's horror, Two actually sat.  
  
"What are you doing?!" One gasped, jittering frenziedly, "you're actually going to PLAY with it?"  
  
Two didn't turn his back, busy examining the tea cup placed in front of him. "We have six hours to kill. Do you see anything else to do in this room that looks better?"  
  
One tried to think of a response, desperately searching the rest of the room for an excuse. Among the stuffed monkeys and Easy-Bake-Oven he found none. Defeated, One shuffled over to the last seat. It was then that he noticed his chair was considerable shorter than the other two.  
  
"What?! I refuse to sit in this chair! It's not even big enough for a squirrel's ass!"  
  
Two smiled. "Well, if you prefer the floor.."  
  
One snorted and sat down in the impeccably small chair. He didn't want to imagine what sticky things resided in these carpets.  
  
"Would you likes some tea?" the child asked, hovering a teapot over his cup.  
  
"Sure. Why not." One answered, sarcastic.  
  
Samantha proceeded to lift the teapot as if she were pouring the hot liquid. Nothing came out. One moved closer and squinted at the spout in an effort to see the tea - perhaps his code was malfunctioning. Nothing. The child sat back down as if finished pouring, and then stood up again to pour tea into Two's cup.  
  
"Where's my tea?" One demanded.  
  
"I pours it for you already!" Samantha answered, matter-of-factly. For some strange reason she was now speaking in an awful British accent.  
  
"No, you didn't! There's nothing in the bloody cup!"  
  
"Check agains."  
  
"I CAN SEE THAT THERE IS NOTHING IN THE FUCKING CUP!"  
  
"Language!" Two inserted, sipping his imaginary tea. One could not believe Two was going along with this.  
  
"Woulds you like some biscuits?"  
  
"No, I want some tea!"  
  
"The biscuits are verys fresh"  
  
"That plate is empty"  
  
"Try one!"  
  
"HOW CAN I TRY ONE IF THERE ARE NO FUCKING BUSCUITS ON THE PLATE?"  
  
"Yous have to try ones to find out"  
  
"How in the HELL-"  
  
"Oh nevereminds. The biscuits are gone."  
  
"WHAT?????????"  
  
One was twitching all over his body now. He was in hell. He knew that with every digit in his program. He was going to have to spend the rest of eternity having invisible tea with a midget.  
  
"Calm down. You're going to corrupt your own system."  
  
"Stop patronizing me. I'm 0.00000000000008 nanoseconds older than you."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"How much time has it been?"  
  
Two turned his head, repeating the exact same thing One had said to him earlier. "We both have the same watches. Why don't YOU check?"  
  
"Just.. tell.. me.."  
  
Two sighed, and glanced at his silver pocket-watch, taking another sip of invisible tea. "About an hour."  
  
One screamed. The child giggled.  
  
************************************************* 


	3. Hour Two: The Black Crayon

bTitle: PATIENCE /b  
  
bAuthor:/b Eyana  
  
bRating:/b PG-13. Will be strong language later.. now its pretty tame.  
  
bSummary:/b The Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.  
  
bDistribution:/b Ask me first, archive later.  
  
bWarnings:/b Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.  
  
bAuthor's Note:/b My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.  
  
b Disclaimer:/b God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine.. So I'm left with crap.  
  
bFeedback:/b E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com No flames please.  
  
bCHAPTER ONE:/b  
  
bHour: Two/b  
  
The tea party did not go well.  
  
Despite Two's effort to calm One down, the tea set was never the less flung across the room and invisible tea and biscuits spilled all over the carpets. This was followed by a round of One smacking his head loudly on the small table, spouting curses in the numerous languages he was programmed in. All the while Samantha was rolling across the ground, holding her sides and sounding much like a hyena in heat.  
  
Two, usually the calmer of the Twins (and for all intensive purposes the more sane), was once again forced to sweet-talk his brother back into the realm of reason. Two had then suggested to Samantha that they play a different game, a suggestion that caused One to laugh obnoxiously. He suggested something quiet, something soothing and something that did not involve imaginary hors d'oeuvres. The child stood there for a moment, silently pondering the request, before retreating into her pile of toys and emerging with crayons and paper, placing them carefully on the tea-party table.  
  
Which is where they were now, Two sketching with delicate care, Samantha humming some annoying tune as she scribbled and One staring blankly at his sheet of paper.  
  
Nose twitching, One glanced over at his Twin who peacefully drawing something with a red crayon, a light smile feathered across his lips.  
  
"Stupid bastard." One whispered to himself, pouting like a 2 year old and slouching groggily in his chair. "He's enjoying this so much I can tell, he's probably drawing some masterpiece again always has to be the best at everything what with his perfect posture and-"  
  
"I can hear you, you know."  
  
One stiffened, coughed loudly and shifted his eyes back onto the empty canvas before him. He hated these so-called "creative things" (with the exception of decorating cookies -a hobby that NO ONE was to know) and the fact that he was stuck in a room with IT (One narrowed his eyes at the child) made it so much worse. But the time was ticking by slowly and he was getting very, very bored. Reluctantly, he searched over the variety of crayons offered and settled on a grainy black one.  
  
"Excellent. The most evil of crayons. Oh how we understand each other..."  
  
The raised eyebrows of both Two and Samantha made One realize he had said that out-loud. Damn.  
  
Grumbling, One ignored their response to his burst of honesty and focused on the paper before him. He had no idea what to draw, but the fact that it would be composed entirely in black at least ensured its "Bad-Ass Appeal".  
  
He decided to simply jump right into it, moving his crayon across the white surface with reckless aim. Eventually he drew a tree and some decent grass. Pleased with how this was turning out, One decided to draw something beside the tree. A dog. One actually began to enjoy himself and fancied that he may, in fact, be a budding artist after all. His self- indulgence was interrupted however by the familiar warmth of arm and simulated breathing on his neck. Annoyed, One turned to see his brother peering over his shoulder, looking at his artwork.  
  
"What?!" One snapped, suddenly very protective over his masterpiece.  
  
"Nothing," Two answered.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I just wanted to see your work."  
  
"Well stop it! Go back to your seat!"  
  
"I will in a minute."  
  
"...Well,uh, what do you think?" One asked, timidly.  
  
Two paused, staring intently at the paper. "Its very good. Except..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"What is that rooster doing to that pole?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
One ripped his drawing to shreds, stood up, and threw his crayon towards the other side of the room. "I HATE THIS!! I HATE THIS! I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! I'M AN ASSASIN, A KILLER, A BAD-ASS PIMP DADDY-" (Two snickered) "-WHO SHOULD BE SHOOTING UP SOME HUMANS AND NOT BABY-SITTING A TINY F-"  
  
One stopped ranting when he felt something small tug at his jacket. Samantha stood there, Bambi-eyes in full display, holding a piece of paper. All one could concentrate on was the now present chocolate stain on the silver fabric.  
  
"Noooo..." He wheezed.  
  
"I'm sorries you sucks at drawing but I made yous a picture!"  
  
One's eyebrows knitted together, eyes bulging from behind his rather expensive looking sunglasses.  
  
"Awwwwwweeeeee." Two commented from afar.  
  
Ears twitching, One hesitantly plucked the piece of paper out of the child's hands. Shaking, he raised it to his eyes, which narrowed in examination. All that resided on the page was a circular purple scribble and a green crooked square.  
  
"What the hell IS this?"  
  
"It's YOU!" Samantha smiled obtusely.  
  
One squinted at the drawing, trying to make sense of the wobbly lines and messy scrawls, before he announced, "I can't think of any possible way that this could remotely resemble me."  
  
The child sighed, and motioned for One to bend down so she could reach the drawing. One's eyes flared with caution, getting closer to the midget was the last thing be wanted to do. However, a stern look from Two was enough to guilt One into bending down.  
  
Samantha sighed again, imitating the exasperation of a person trying to explain third year calculus to a mosquito. "Yous see, that part-" the child pointed to the upper portion of the scribble, "is your head."  
  
"My WHAT?"  
  
Samantha appeared not to hear him. "And DIS part-" she continued, pointing to another random area, "is your leg.'  
  
"My LEG? And where is the OTHER leg?"  
  
"You don't haves one."  
  
"Well why the hell not?"  
  
"Because I rans out of silverz crayon and your bodys shaped screwy."  
  
It was at this point where One's dreadlocks actually began to violently twitch.  
  
Samantha continued to explain her magnum opus carefully, dragging out the long luscious details in the way only a child (or child program) could. She failed to notice, however, that One's attention was gathered upon something entirely different from the picture. Something gleaming around Samantha's neck. Something that could get him and his brother out of this "test" for good.  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Sorry this is so short (and not really funny gah). I'm very busy with finals. Once summer roles around, I'll be able to write more. Even (if people want me to) a *gasp* serious fic! 


	4. Hour Three: A Naughty Panda

A/N: Thank you everyone for your kind reviews, they are very much appreciated! I won't be able to write chapter 5 until all my exams are over with (I actually wasn't going to write this until then but I am the queen of procrastination). But I'm also working on some fanart for this fic and will post that soon =)  
  
Note: Sorry this chapter is a little slower. I had to try to develop some kind of "plot" *laughs obnoxiously*  
  
Title: PATIENCE  
  
Author: Eyana  
  
Rating: PG-13. Strong language at times.  
  
Summary: The Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.  
  
Distribution: Ask me first, archive later.  
  
Warnings: Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.  
  
Author's Note: My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.  
  
Disclaimer: God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine... So I'm left with crap.  
  
Feedback: E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com No flames please.  
  
CHAPTER FOUR:  
  
Hour: Three  
  
Two was now seriously concerned. In fact, far more concerned than usual.  
  
His brother had been, for some time now, standing in a corner of the enormous room, eyes bulging through his sunglasses, rubbing his palms together like a maniac fly on the wall and muttering "It's perfect... simply perfect... ahh yessss... the plan..." over and over.  
  
Samantha had once again retreated back into her pile of toys, singing quite loudly (some strange tune that could only have been contrived by a boy band, evil things as they were) and throwing stuffed animals every which way. She was now out of sight (somewhere behind the horrid giant panda that automatically screeched "PET ME!" every time she accidentally touched it) and had been busy for quite a while. Two wondered what could possibly be taking the child so long, and then shuddered at the random images that flooded his brain.  
  
It was not that he enjoyed being here (despite what his Twin had thought); it was simply that he was more able to make the best of a situation than his brother. He really didn't like it at all. Absolutely not. Well, maybe a little.  
  
Deciding to inquire about his brother's state now rather than to wait for the creature to return, Two walked, cautiously, towards the muttering wreck he saw before him. One didn't even notice him as he neared, his eyes were fixed on Samantha and drool was beginning to cascade down his porcelain features.  
  
"Ahh yesss... the plan. It's so perfect. It will all be over soon."  
  
Two raised an eyebrow at his Twin's burbles. It was clear he had lost him again.  
  
"What, my dear brother, are you going on about?" He paused, and continued, "If it's about that rooster and the pole I'm sure that-"  
  
"NO!! YOU IDIOT!" One screamed, twitching as he did, and scrambled over to his brother, grabbing his tie and forcing him to turn his head in the direction of the child - who was now in plain sight behind a bicycle. "CAN'T YOU SEE IT? DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU CAN'T SEE IT!"  
  
"Oh dear," Two murmured as he looked on in the child's direction (who once again seemed oblivious as she clawed through a few more toys). He had no idea what his brother was talking about, but this place had clearly taken its toll on the poor program.  
  
"What, exactly, am I supposed to see?"  
  
One squealed like a piglet in exasperation, and pointed a trebling digit towards the creature.  
  
"The neck. Around the neck" He was suddenly whispering.  
  
"...What?" Two answered before One shoved him forward and forced him to look closer. Two gave a simulated sighed and squinted his eyes before noticing something indeed shining around the child's neck. He adjusted his program so that he could see the matrix in code, the room fizzled into orderly lines and segments of streaming green and gold text. It was then that he was able to see what exactly resided around the collar of the creature.  
  
"Oh my," Two breathed.  
  
"Yes! Yes! Yes! You see it now?" One stammered, once again rubbing his palms together.  
  
"Indeed," Two answered, before turning around, stunned, to look at his brother again. "That was not there before, I would have noticed it. How did it possibly-"  
  
"It doesn't matter!" One cut in, a devious smile now firmly in place. "What matters is we have away out of this hell hole!"  
  
Two's forehead furrowed in thought. "A Master Key hardly just appears around a child-program's neck. Something is not quite right here."  
  
"AAAAGHHH!" One cried in frustration, before reaching out almost subconsciously and pulling one of Two's dreadlocks roughly.  
  
"OW! You bastard!" Two hissed, before his own hand lunged out and yanked down on a deadlock of One's, who howled with pain.  
  
This continued back and forth for a few minutes, the Twins at times managing to simultaneously yank each other's dreadlocks before stopping and rubbing their tingling scalp and continuing on. Their yelps and barks of aggravation stopped Samantha from her searching long enough for her to expel a wave of high-pitched giggles. The Twins stopped their rather mature problem solving and slowly turned their heads towards the cackling midget. Samantha fell on the ground, rolling sideways and eventually bumping the giant panda.  
  
"PET ME!"  
  
"PET ME!"  
  
"PET ME!"  
  
"PET ME!"  
  
"PET ME!"  
  
Two was disturbed. There was no way that toy was designed for a child.  
  
One turned to look at his Twin, instantly forgetting about their minor squabble only moments before. "I have a plan to get the Master Key, but I will need your help to distract her."  
  
Two's eyebrows knitted together, he was sure that this "Master Key" that had suddenly appeared was just another test of torture from Merovingian. However One was convinced it was a way out and was therefore beyond any hope of convincing otherwise.  
  
Two sighed deeply, "What do you want me to do?"  
  
One's eyes brightened, he was now ecstatic that his brother had come to see reason. "You stand over there," he pointed to the side of the room, "and get her to look at you. While she's doing that, I'll creep up and get the key from around her neck. Then we'll use the key to open a new portal and leave."  
  
Two's eyes swelled with disbelief, his mouth opened is astonishment.  
  
"... And exactly how long did it take you to come up with this "plan?"  
  
"21 minutes."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
By this time Samantha had stopped laughing and was staring in their direction with that enormous grin plastered across her face.  
  
"I gots what I wants to play next!"  
  
The Twins shuddered.  
  
One nudged his brother to get into position as Samantha started to emerge from her rather large pile of playthings. Two grumbled and shuffled over to the side of the room as One crouched "a la corny ninja movie."  
  
Once he was in position, Two proceeded to try to "distract" the midget.  
  
"Little girl. Little girl. Ohh look at me. I am so interesting. I am standing here. Look at me..." he rattled off sarcastically.  
  
To his amazement, the child actually looked at him. Damn it, she was dumber than he thought. Or else...  
  
One crept slowly towards the midget, soundless and definitely assuring his Bad-Assness. Closer. Closer. Two continued to divert her, resorting to moving his hands above his head like fluttering cockroaches.  
  
"Almost there" One whispered quietly, several feet away from the child.  
  
It was just when One was less than half a foot away from her and that Two had reached the climax of his 'entertainment" when Samantha turned around sharply, looked One square in the eyes and kicked him in the crotch. Hard.  
  
"Mother of Matrix." One managed to wheeze before he numbly fell towards the carpet, cupping his area (which was now throbbing with unmanageable pain) and sobbing.  
  
Two froze with his hands in mid-air, staring at his brother who was now muttering a string of vulgar words and trembling violently.  
  
"I be nots THAT stupid, you stupid stupid man." Samantha retorted, triumphantly.  
  
Two didn't know quite what to do. Should he help his brother, or run at the girl and grab the key when she really WAS distracted? He quivered at the thought of ending up in a convulsing ball like his brother on the carpet, so he decided to go with plan A.  
  
Two rushed towards his Twin, kneeled down and tried to see how bad it was. "Phase damnit! Heal yourself!"  
  
His brother didn't respond, only cupped his groin and mumbled about something about his "precious assets being damaged."  
  
Come to think of it, Two then wondered why they didn't phase to grab the key in the first place. Something about this room was definitely screwing with their code.  
  
"Lost, all lost.." One whimpered.  
  
Samantha suddenly perked up. " I knows you wants my pretty necklace, Uncle Merovingian saids you twos would tries and gets it."  
  
"Did he now?" Two answered. Stupid Bastard.  
  
"Yes ands I wills give it too yous toos." She said quickly, smiling like an eager McDonalds employee.  
  
One stopped crying and snapped his head in the child's direction. "Why, you will?" he asked in disbelief.  
  
"Yup!" she answered. "Buts you have tos promise to plays one more game with me. Anys game I wants, and den I gives you dah key."  
  
Two looked at the creature suspiciously. There was no way it was going to be that easy to acquire such a powerful tool, especially if Merovingian designed this program. At any rate, he was certain that One would flatly refuse to play any more games anyway and-  
  
"DEAL!" One replied enthusiastically.  
  
"Oh bloody hell." Two moaned.  
  
************************************************************************ 


	5. Hour Four: I See Pink

A/N: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY! Exams are over with. Dear God that was a bad few weeks, and I think I did ok on most of them, but two (Bio and History *shudder*) may drag me down. Crap. Oh well, thank you all again for your kind reviews, they really helped me when I was feeling horrible after that History Exam. *sniff sniff* Ahhhh.. Just saw Reloaded again. Those gorgeous Twins made me drool into my popcorn. Ew. Anyway the story continues (finally!) If you R&R I'll send you a giant inflatable Twin doll that has a "clothes optional" feature. Really.  
  
Special thank you to my new Beta reader Twinlakeshgrl - now all the chapters have a nice shininess of shining shine!  
  
********************************************************  
  
Title: PATIENCE  
  
Author: Eyana  
  
Rating: PG-13. Strong language at times.  
  
Summary: The Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.  
  
Distribution: Ask me first, archive later.  
  
Warnings: Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.  
  
Author's Note: My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.  
  
Disclaimer: God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine... So I'm left with crap.  
  
Feedback: E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com No flames please.  
  
CHAPTER FIVE:  
  
Hour: Four  
  
Two decided that Samantha was far more intelligent than she looked.  
  
The faint glimmer of hope that she provided was all One needed to willingly participate in her sadistic games. He was actually smiling now, completely believing that if he played along with the child for a little while, she would freely hand over the Master Key.  
  
Yeah, Right.  
  
One was standing now and although Two could tell the "area" was still tender, One seemed oblivious to the no doubt painful tingles. Two recalled the one and only time such an agonizing situation happened to him. He had made the mistake of saying nothing when Persephone asked him if her hair looked all right before dinner. He thought it best at the time not to answer rather than truthfully acknowledge that she looked like a yak in a sandstorm. He was wrong, very, very wrong. Needless to say, he was unable to attend dinner that evening, much to One's amusement.  
  
Women were strange creatures, especially when they wore stiff hard heels, and Two would never forget that.  
  
Samantha had finished moving the tea-party table aside, saying that for their next game they would "need more space." Both the Twins shuddered at this explanation.  
  
"I thinks you'll likes dis game. It's my favorites, but I needs more den one peoples to play itz."  
  
Curious, Two turned his head slightly in the child's direction, correcting his immaculate appearance by adjusting his sunglasses and asked cautiously, "What game are we going to play, exactly?"  
  
Samantha turned around, that horrible twisted grin curled around her face, and answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Princesses!"  
  
One raised an eyebrow. "Preen. cess. izz?" He attempted to reiterate, saying the word as if it were in a foreign language.  
  
Two buried his face in his hands.  
  
Samantha acted like she once again didn't hear the Twin speak, a habit that was becoming most annoying. Instead she skipped rather giddily back to her toy pile, stopping at a large trunk and began pulling out what looked like sheets of fabric.  
  
Both of the Twins faces fell into horrible and disgusted shock as the child rummaged out a long flowing sparkly pink dress, adorned with bursting rosettes and fake plastic jewels. A tiara came out next, followed by another blue dress and accessories. Everything glittered.  
  
It was at that point where Two actually became physically ill.  
  
"Now", Samantha began, admiring the glitzy material, "I'm goings to bes Princess Aurora, das most beautifuls princess in dis land," she rattled off, as if what she was saying came out of the most distinguished Harvard textbook. With that, she slipped on the small blue gown, twirled around, and carefully placed the golden plastic tiara on her head. That meant that the other dress.  
  
"And YOUS," said the child, pointing a chubby finger at Two, who stiffened immediately, "Will bes Princess Mologugu, my jealous buts loyals sister." Samantha tossed the horrid pink dress, rather unceremoniously, in Two's direction. He caught it, squealed as if it were poisonous, and dropped it onto the almost matching carpet.  
  
"ABSOLUTELY NOT! I REFUSE TO PLAY THIS HUMILIATING GAME! I AM BEYONG THIS!"  
  
Two crossed his arms in protest, a sour scowl now etched across his lips. One laughed obnoxiously.  
  
Samantha just stared at Two, smiled slyly, and twirled the small silver key on her finger. "Wells, if yous wanna stay here fer the six whole hours."  
  
"AAAGGGH!" Two screamed in frustration, paused, and then roughly picked up the dress, almost ripping off a delicate rosette.  
  
Samantha smiled sweetly, continuing to twirl the key on her finger as if it were a silver moon orbiting a plump planet. "Nows put its on."  
  
Two's eyes widened, his teeth clenched and a small droplet of sweat streamed down his temple. Both the tea party and the drawing experience had tried his patience, but he was able to make the best of it and even, at times, enjoy himself. This however, was entirely different. It was undignified, it was degrading. It was a fucking pink dress with poofy sleeves.  
  
Samantha stood there and waited, a small hand placed daintily on her hip.  
  
Grumbling, and moving to the peels of One's laughter, Two gruffly took off his jacket, each jerky movement an attempted expression of his now mounting rage. The silver coat fell to the ground. If Two had not been so angry he would have carefully folded the precious Bad-Ass fabric and placed it somewhere safe. But Two was pissed.  
  
One was enjoying himself far too much. It was a welcome change too see his brother experiencing the brunt of Samantha's delight. Especially since it appeared there was only one dress for the two Twins, whatever else was in that trunk it could not be as bad as this.  
  
Two was squirming through the gown, trying to make it fit over his shirt and vest, wriggling like a giant pink frilly worm. After about 10 minutes, he gave up, exhausted, and stood there, arms raised and bound by the tight material with peeks of his dreadlocks making it through the ruffled collar.  
  
"I'm stuck."  
  
One bent over with laughter.  
  
"STOP LAUGHING YOU ASSHOLE!"  
  
"Well, it IS made for a woman!"  
  
"Shut the fuck up."  
  
"You can't deny that this is goddamn hilarious."  
  
"Yes, yes I can. Now help me you dick."  
  
"Maybe you need to loose some weight. Go on a diet."  
  
"My legs are still free you know. I can kick you from here."  
  
"What did you say? I was laughing too hard."  
  
Two kicked One in the knee, causing One to scream with pain and hop on his other foot, holding his knee gingerly.  
  
"YOU PENIS! THAT HURT!"  
  
"Did it? Go me."  
  
Samantha cleared her throat loudly, the Twins turned in her direction. Actually, One hopped in her direction and Two turned towards her general vicinity as the dress still covered most of his head and he could not see very well.  
  
Samantha then walked briskly toward the pink bundle and yanked as hard as she could at the bottom of the gown. It ripped on both sides, but came down over Two's head and over his shirt nonetheless. Two breathed in and out deeply, relieved to be out of that stifling nightmare. Then he glanced down at what he was now wearing, almost blinded by the sparkles, and made a few soft whimpering noises.  
  
Samantha then proceeded to place a powdery blonde wig atop his dreadlocked head, complete with a puffy and rather large pink bow. She stood back to admire her work. Two scowled and stood motionless.  
  
"Awweee. Don't you look pretty?" One mused.  
  
Samantha then turned towards One, whose laughter suddenly died down under the child's glare. She watched One intently, as if pondering something, before running off and returning with a strange artifact in her hands. Samantha put her hands behind her back, bent forward slightly, and beamed.  
  
"Guess whats youz gets to be?" she asked.  
  
One didn't answer.  
  
"Youz gets to bes... tha HORSEY!"  
  
"The WHAT?"  
  
"Tha horsey! Tha princessesss needs a horsey to pull der carriage to tha ball!"  
  
It was Two's turn to laugh hysterically.  
  
Samantha then whipped out the pink saddle and bridle from behind her back. It was disturbing to think of what other toys the Merovingian had programmed for this child.  
  
Shaking with unknown fear, One tried to back away but Two stood behind him and shoved him forwards towards the midget.  
  
"Okays horsey, bend downs on alls fours."  
  
"Hell no."  
  
"Don'ts you wants dah key?"  
  
One didn't have time to answer as Two kicked his still tender knee again, forcing him to fall to the floor in pain. He didn't kick him because he felt the child would give the Twins the key so much as he kicked him because it felt good. Samantha immediately shoved the bridle into One's mouth (which tasted horribly by the way), and strapped the saddle on with impeccable speed. Grunting around the metal bar in his mouth, One tried to phase for what seemed like the hundredth time to no avail.  
  
Samantha then retrieved a large wagon, and tied One to the front of it. One tried to squirm out of the horse-equipment-of-doom vigorously, before catching a glimpse of the shiny piece of metal around the child's neck, gleaming in the light. Sighing, One resisted the urge to go insane again and got on hand and knees atop the sticky pink carpet.  
  
"Oh this is going to be fun." Two said enthusiastically. 


	6. Hour Five: The Dam Breaks

A/N: Awe, the story's nearing its end. Oh well, there's still some laughs to be had. R&R if you can, only maybe 1 or 2 more chapters. Bah. I'll post my fanart to go with this fic soon (for those of you who care =P). Sorry this chapter is so long people, but I'm working in an office during the summer and have nothing else to do but make up these scenarios in my head. Sad, I know.  
  
Cheers.  
  
PS: THANKS TO MY BETA-READER TWINLAKESHGRL! YOU ROCK FOR REVIEWING THIS LONG CHAPTER.  
  
Title: Patience  
  
Author: Eyana  
  
Rating: PG-13. Will be strong language later... now its pretty tame.  
  
Summary: Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.  
  
Distribution: Ask me first, archive later.  
  
Warnings: Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.  
  
Author's Note: My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.  
  
Disclaimer: God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine... So I'm left with crap.  
  
Feedback: E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com. No flames please.  
  
CHAPTER SIX:  
  
Hour: Five  
  
There is absolutely nothing in the universe more disgusting than crawling with your hands and knees on a sticky pink carpet that smells like pixie barf.  
  
One winced with every move and tried to sink into the horrible fluffy surface as little as possible and waited for Princess Aurora (also known as Samantha) and Princess Mologugu (also known as That Bastard) to board the wagon. Twitching, One turned over his hand and looked at the soiled surface, refusing to imagine what his pants now looked like. He had tried to conceive why he and his brother were now unable to phase, but it made his poor dreadlocked head hurt and eventually the program gave up and kneeled there silently. One wondered if he would ever be able to phase again, not because he needed to heal but because he desperately needed to regenerate his clothes. He had thought he spotted a loose thread and it scared him, deeply.  
  
Two was itching his scalp under the revolting blonde wig Samantha had plunked on his head, convinced it was the home to at least 20 new species of lice. The dress he was now wearing smelled funny, like it had been rubbed against a wet dog, but Two believed he could handle it as long as he could see his other half shuddering on the carpet. Samantha had been carefully applying an insane shade of red onto her lips, however most of the lipstick resided on her cheeks and chin - making her smile literally spread from ear to ear.  
  
Two was sure that even he could apply makeup better than that pig-nosed pickle.  
  
Smiling into the over-sized pink mirror, Samantha looked up and shot a look at Two, whose heart immediately catapulted against his ribcage.  
  
Shit. He made eye contact.  
  
"Dos youz wants sum lipsticky?" Her horrid grin was even more troubling now that it had tripled in size.  
  
"What makes you possibly think that I would answer 'yes' to that question?" Two snorted.  
  
"Becauses I knows yuz wants to bes pretty toos."  
  
Two's eyebrows knitted together, deeply disturbed by the child's reason.  
  
"..... How do I logically respond to that?"  
  
The two princesses were interrupted by a loud grunt from the floor.  
  
"UGH! AREGH YOUGH GONNAGH STARTH 'THISTH OR NOTH?" One struggled to form words around the large bridle in his mouth.  
  
"Calms down horesey or I gets dah whip." Samantha purred.  
  
Two's eyes budged with a mixture of disgust and amusement. "Did the Merovingian program you to be this kinky?"  
  
The midget princess lifted her dress and elegantly boarded the wagon, adjusting her tiara as she sat down so that it gleamed in the light at just the right angle. The wagon was just big enough for two people to sit, one behind the other, rather uncomfortably. The "ugly sister" followed, looked around with fear at the small area he had to sit and grumbled. He would have to hang both of his legs on either side of the wagon, as there was no room to kneel like Samantha was doing at the front.  
  
Two wondered if Samantha had planned it that way.  
  
She probably did.  
  
Reluctantly, and now convinced that every shred of dignity he had once retained was now taken by this sparklingly pink frilly nightmare, Two sat and tried to get as comfortable as possible. His rather binding dress only allowed him to maneuver in certain ways, however he managed to barely fit in the end of the wagon, nevertheless ripping his dress even further.  
  
"AAAARRGGH! WHATGH THEH FUCKGH ISH IN DEES CARPETSH?" One complained loudly from the front.  
  
Samantha suddenly grabbed the reins that where attached to One's bridle. She then pulled a rather strange device from a pocket in her dress, a glittery twirl baton with springs of shimmering ribbon coming out the ends. Not wasting any time, she held the reins sternly and abruptly poked One with the stick.  
  
In the butt.  
  
Hard.  
  
"OOOWWWGH! WHATGH THEH FUCKGH WAHS THATGH?"  
  
Some muffled laughter came from Two.  
  
"Okays horsey, wes bez twos booteful princessesss and wes be wantings to gets to dah ball! Dahs prince wills bes waiting."  
  
"DID YOUGH JUSTGH POKE MY ASSGH WITGH A STICKH?!"  
  
Samantha didn't respond. She simply poked him stiffly twice more.   
  
"OWGH!"  
  
"OWGH!"  
  
Sighing and already feeling his mind slipping into insane anger from the jutting pain in his rear, One braced himself and started to try to pull the wagon. It was incredibly heavy (the weight largely contributed to by his dear brother) and One found his hands and knees sinking deeply into the carpeting with every effort. As a program, he was encoded with superior strength and stamina, rarely had he encountered an obstacle that in time he could not overcome. Therefore it was troubling that this was so difficult. In about five minutes he had pulled the wagon a mere three inches.  
  
They remained like that for twenty more minutes, One on the floor with a pink saddle strapped to his back and covered in a gummy substance and Samantha perched elegantly at the front of the wagon poking One's butt with a stick every few seconds. Two's legs were sprawled awkwardly on either side of the "carriage" in the back, his shirt and vest puffing out past the pink gown making his stomach look bloated.  
  
"Fashter horesey! Fashter!"  
  
Grunting, and now twitching extensively, One attempted to abide to her wishes. Sweat trickled down his brow and temples, his mouth ached from the strain, and his hands seemed now permanently coated in the sticky residue. He could once again feel the tethers of his sanity unwind as both the physical and mental stress began to surpass his threshold.  
  
"FASHTER!"  
  
"Must..hold.. on"  
  
"FASHTER!"  
  
"Must... not... loose... it..."  
  
"FASHTER!"  
  
"Must. get. Key!"  
  
Two could sense his brother's mounting tension. It began to worry him, he had never seen his brother convulse quite like that.  
  
"FFFFAAAAAASSSSHHTTEEERRRRR!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
One stopped pulling, sharply removed the bridle from his mouth, and stood up before Samantha could react. He then roughly grabbed the baton from her outstretched hand (which was ready to poke One in the butt again) and snapped it in two.  
  
This was it.  
  
One took a deep breath, and prepared to say all that had been mounting in his brain for the past four hours. For the moment, all thoughts about the key and getting out of the room disintegrated into a raging puddle of albino fury.  
  
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? YOU ARE A SPOILED SELFISH INSANE CHUBBY HORRID LITTLE GIRL WHO COULD NOT GET ANYONE TO PLAY WITH HER WILLINGLY IF SHE TRIED! YOU LAUGH LIKE A BULLFROG GETTNG ELECTROCUTED, YOU SMELL STRANGELY LIKE AN OUTHOUSE IN THE SUN AND YOU'RE DIRTY! FILTHY! MOTHER OF MATRIX YOU NEED A BATH! AND YOU GOT ME DIRTY TOO! JUST LOOK AT MY PANTS! AND YOU KICKED ME IN THE CROTCH! DO YOU HAVE ANY POSSIBLE IDEA HOW MUCH MY LIFE WILL DEGRADE IF THERE IS SHRINKAGE AND I CAN'T PHASE? FUCK, IT BETTER NOT BE CROOKED! HONESTLY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"  
  
One panted, exhausted with everything he had released, yet waiting for the midget to respond with some stinging obnoxious comment.  
  
There was none.  
  
Surprised by the silence One looked up to see the child staring back at him, mouth open reveling her crooked teeth framed by that horrid red- painted border. Her body was frozen in position, her eyes wide and paralyzed, her eyebrows fixated into an awful hurt expression.  
  
Then it happened.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Tears sprung from her eyes, leapt in every direction, cascading down her face like newly formed waterfalls. Her mouth was a giant abyss, you could actually see her tonsils quake, producing the loudest most horrendous screeching sound the Twins have ever heard in their lives. It radiated into the air, shook every oxygen particle, bounced off the glittery walls and pounded into the ears of the brothers.  
  
No human child could ever cry like this.  
  
Two leapt off the wagon and ran to his brother in an attempt to get farther from the unbelievable noise. Both Twins desperately tried to block out the blast by covering their ears, however it accomplished little. Two was certain the sound would shatter his teeth from the vibration at any second. The whole room seemed to shake.  
  
"What the hell is it doing?!" One attempted to yell over the noise.  
  
"Good job you ASS. It's CRYING!" Two stammered.  
  
"WHAT?" One was completely at a loss, after all, what he said wasn't that bad. "How do we stop it?"  
  
"How the HELL am I supposed to know? I know just as much about CHILDREN as you do!"  
  
One could feel his blood vessels begin to explode in his brain. This had to be stopped. Now.  
  
"There MUST be SOMETHING you remember about crying children! THINK!" One yelled at his brother, whose sunglasses were beginning to crack from the blare.  
  
Two frantically searched through his memory files, looking for anything that could remotely help their situation. He came across a small bit of information, a hazed memory from long ago. He had been waiting with his brother in a doctor's office, Merovingian was inquiring to the surgeons there about some sort of nipple surgery. The Twins didn't want to know more than that. After about an hour a young woman entered the office with her husband and baby. Immediately disturbed, the Twins moved over one seat away from the squirming wrinkly pink thing that the mother was holding. One buried his face in the "Martha Stewart Living" he was reading, attempting to block out the hairless chubby midget by analyzing the proper way to make quiche crust. Two, on the other hand, decided to calmly observe the small being and its mother, he had never really seen a human baby this closely. Frightened by the albino's leering stare the baby started to cry, a sound that made One get up and leave to "go to the washroom." It was then that the mother did something to calm the plump maggot, she bent lower to it and.. began to SING. The soothing melody instantly stopped the baby's wails, and it fell to sleep.  
  
"AHA!" Two exclaimed happily, having successfully retrieved the bit of data.  
  
"What?!" One demanded.  
  
Samantha had not quieted down in the slightest. If anything, she was getting louder.  
  
"I know what will stop her from crying. One of us needs to sing to her, the sound appears to have some sort of hypnotic effect on children. It will instantly cease her howling." Two said proudly, protruding his chin out slightly.  
  
"WHAT? SING? THAT'S INSANE!"  
  
"Do you have any better ideas?"  
  
"No. But your idea still sucks ass."  
  
"You know what? I think you should be the one to sing to her."  
  
"ME? I don't know any songs that children would like!"  
  
"YOU made her cry. This is technically your fault."  
  
"SHE KICKED ME IN THE CROTCH AND POKED ME IN THE ASS WITH A STICK!"  
  
"It was a baton. Not a stick."  
  
"WHAT-FUCKING-EVER!"  
  
Samantha was beginning to turn blue. The child had not drawn breath since she had started to cry.  
  
Two's code was about to scramble from the unbelievable volume still spewing from the creature's lungs.  
  
"I don't give a hamster's ASS what you sing, just SING SOMETHING BEFORE WE ALL GET CORRUPTED!"  
  
One fumed and gritted his teeth, yet he knew that his brother was right. However he had no idea what he could possibly sing that would soothe the child enough to stop crying. Most of the music he listened too involved heavy screeching rock and too many lyrics with blasphemous cusses and numerous versions of the word "SEX" in them. Not very appropriate. Wincing, there was only one other song he knew. Like many things he learned, One had acquired this tune from TV. It was a guilty pleasure to sing along when it happened to come up.  
  
A puddle was forming around Samantha's runners. Her dress was practically soaked with tears.  
  
Shit. This would be the first time he would sing this in front of anyone. It would probably be the last.  
  
One took a deep breath, opened his mouth, closed his eyes so as not to see his brother's reaction, and began.  
  
"'Doo doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-WAH!'"  
  
Samantha quieted down slightly, allowing for One's voice to be a little more audible.  
  
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT COMES, FRESH GOES BETTER IN LIFE, AND MENTOS IS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE.."  
  
Two's mouth fell into a horribly disgusted expression.  
  
"NOTHING GETS TO YOU, STAYING FRESH STAYING COOL, WITH MENTOS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE!"  
  
Samantha's eyes opened enough to see One through her tear-stained vision.  
  
One's body got into it for the grand finale, his hips jiggled and he did "jazz hands".  
  
"FRESH GOES BETTER, (MENTOS FRESHNESS), FRESH GOES BETTER WITH MENTOS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE!"  
  
Samantha smiled; her crying had now been reduced to muffled whimpers. Two smacked his head against the wall loudly. One grabbed one of the broken baton pieces and held it up as if it we a candy dispenser.  
  
"MENTOS. THE FRESHMAKER!"  
  
Two was frozen is a mixture of awe and uncomprehending horror. Samantha giggled and clapped her hands.  
  
One blushed slightly, lowered his hands and dropped the baton. He glanced over at his brother who had a confused expression on his face.  
  
"What the HELL do those words mean anyway? 'Fresh goes better in Life? What the fuck!" Two asked, an eyebrow raised.  
  
One smirked, brushed off his hands, and motioned for Two to look at the child, who had completely stopped crying.  
  
Two sighed with relief and he slowly lowered his hands from his ears. "Good job."  
  
But Samantha now had her arms crossed, her face sculpted into an anticipating expression. It was quite obvious what she was waiting for. An apology.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Hmm... I think there's only going to be one more chapter. BTW, I don't own the Mentos song, Mentos candy, and any other companies that song is associated with. But I will say it must be one of the most strange and confusing jingles ever written. "Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life?" What the fuck does that mean? It boggles the freak'n mind! 


	7. Hour Six: DDay Hour Whatever

**Title:** PATIENCE 

**Author:** Eyana

**Rating:** PG-13. Some strong language.

**Summary: **The Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.

**Distribution:** Ask me first, archive later.

**Warnings:** Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.

**Disclaimer:** God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine.. So I'm left with crap.

**Feedback:** E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com. No flames please.

**A/N: **Well, this is it. I must say that I have had a great time writing this fic, and I hope you people have enjoyed it too. I am grateful to have had such wonderful readers and reviewers; it has made the experience of my first fic a very pleasant one. I didn't expect many people to read this in the beginning, so thank you everyone who actually stuck around and read all seven chapters! Amazing! 

**Note:** I will update this chapter with a link to my fanart when it's all done. If it EVER gets done. Gah. 

**Double Note:** Sorry this chapter is the longest one yet, but rather than split it into two chapters I thought I'd just give it too you all in one unhealthy dose. 

I wish you all the best, and hope you like the last chapter. 

Many Blessings! =)

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**Hour: Six**

**(Da-da-DUM)**

"Her face... looks like a raisin."

One cocked his head to the side, eyes examining the sour expression that had spawned itself on top Samantha's visage. Her lips were curled tightly into an angry expectant sneer, the type of look that should only be reserved for the most dissatisfied of mother-in-laws.   

"A raisin?" Two looked at his brother.

"Yeah. You know, like the warm squishy ones you find under the seat cushions sometimes?"

"… I don't think those are raisins."

Samantha coughed loudly, and tapped the pink carpet sternly with her small runner. She jutted out her chin impatiently, and glared at the Twins, one in a pink dress and the other with a sparkly saddle tied around his waist, and waited. Both of the brothers' dreadlocks were now considerably frizzed due to the child's recent crying incident. 

She finally spoke.

"WELL?"

The Twins quivered with the shrill odium in her voice. It was amazing how quickly the child could change from victim to "super-charged-going-to-break-your-nuts-crazy" lunatic.  

"I think she wants something."

"A tranquilizer?"

Samantha sighed with exasperation, an expression that creepily mirrored a reaction the Merovingian might give, and roughly released her arms from their previous crossing position. 

"Arnts youz gonna say youz SOWWIE?" 

"Uh… say that again?" Perhaps the child's apparent annoying lisp distorted the words.

"SAY ITS! SAY YOUZ SOWWIE! YOUZ HURT MES VERY VERY MUCHS!"

One almost laughed at the sheer absurdity of her request. "You want an apology? AN APOLOGY! Surely you CAN'T be SERIOUS." 

Samantha's eyes glazed over with a watery sheen. She sniffed loudly, perhaps a little too loudly to be taken genuinely. 

"ACK!" Two spat, ran at his brother and smacked him upside the head. "She's going to CRY again you TURD! Apologize now!"

"Fuck no! Look at my trousers! The stuff is seeping into my underpants! IT'S ICHY!"

"If she cries again even that same stupid song won't stop her."

"Brother. Do not. Insult. The Song."

"Maybe YOU can live with no hearing but I CAN'T! APOLOGIZE!"

"IF ANYTHING SHE SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO US!"

Samantha began to whimper like a Mexican Chihuahua being rubbed against a chalkboard.  

Two started to hyperventilate with desperation. It was obvious that despite One's recent expulsion of honesty, he was still completely and totally bitter towards the midget. There was only one thing the program could do, a measure that was usually reserved for only the most desolate of circumstances. It was extreme and immoral, but it was the only thing Two could do to get his brother to do whatever he wanted. 

Two glanced over at One, who was still muttering things to himself about how the child should be groveling at their feet and begging for forgiveness in awe of their awesome tingly power. As much as Two may have agreed to his Twin's claims, it had become obvious to him that they were not the ones who exercised the most control in this place. 

Two tried one last time, interrupting his brother's ramblings. 

"Apologize. Now."

"NO! Haven't you've been listening to me-"

"Don't make me do it."

"Do what? What the hell are you going on abouaaAAAAGH!"

Two had grabbed a small wooden chopstick that he kept in a secret pocket in his vest and abruptly stuck it up One's nose. 

The sheer speed of the action was mind boggling, as Two had to be as fast as possible since there was no way his brother would permit such an action if he had any inkling it would happen. 

"AAAAGGH! YOUD SDILL HABE DAT?? GODDAMNID!"

"Indeed. Now, you know from experience the only way for you to get out of this without me poking this through to that puny brain of yours-"

"WE HABE DAH SAME SIZE BRAIND!"

"SHUTUP! Anyway, you know the only way to get out is for you to comply and do what I want. And I want you to apologize to Samantha before her crying starts and shatters my teeth into a smile that's only gums."

One's breathing had become more audible as he only had one nostril. 

Samantha had paused her rather dramatic display for the moment in order to observe the amusing conflict. 

Both stood there for a few moments, One frozen for fear the piece of wood would deluge any further and Two sternly staying in place, (much like an spinster teacher from 1912), the instrument firmly jutted up One's snout.  

"Now. Will you be good and do what I ask?"

One grunted and waved his arms around in the air as best he could considering the circumstances (his Twin was not really in his eye line anymore). He vaguely made an attempt to smack his brother with a flailing limb, but quickly recoiled.

"... What? Was that a word?"

"I saihd YES!"

"Excellent." Two quickly took the chopstick out of One's nostril and put it back in its secret place. One rubbed his nose gingerly and muttered something about "you better have cleaned that."

Defeated, One then turned to Samantha and shuddered at the child's chilling stare. Dear God those pupils were big. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine away the horrible strain this was putting on him.  

Maybe he was forced to apologize out loud, but what he thought was his own damn business. 

"Samantha, I know what I said was harsh," 

…_but fucking hilarious and completely true...___

"I have hurt your feelings" 

_...Go ME!..._

"And made you cry"

 _...if you want to call it that...___

"Which are things that I will regret for the rest of my cycles."

 _...excuse me while I laugh... _

"You are a very nice girl," 

_… to thrust into a trash compactor..._

 " And I guess all this was not technically your fault,"

_…bahaha... uh...wait a minute…_

"After all, it was the Merovingian who programmed you..."

_…fuck, that's true.._

"And you are simply doing what he has written for you to do."

_…DAMNIT THAT'S RIGHT…_

_…I'm sorry..._

" STUPID MEROVINGIAN BASTARD! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Both Samantha and Two raised an eyebrow. 

Shit. He had gotten confused again. Oh well. 

One immediately began to review everything he had just discovered. Yes, it was true that Samantha was hell in a hot-dog bun, but the Merovingian _programmed_ her to be that way. Everything they had been experiencing, everything they were forced to endure, it was his entire fault. That goddamn fairy in an Italian suit needed to experience some serious pain. 

Ideas began to buzz around in One's head as if they were little fruit flies and his brain was a pruney pear. Good Ideas. Ideas that made One's trembling lips coil into an adorable yet somewhat disturbing grin. He never really fancied himself overly intelligent, he'd rather consider himself deadly attractive and Bad Ass. However the little plans that were beginning to sprout forced One to come to the conclusion that he was a fucking genius. 

Two and Samantha looked at each other, and then back at "saddle boy", who had been quiet now for about 10 minutes. His lips moved occasionally, silently mouthing something, and then he would abruptly expel a wave of insane laughter before suddenly quieting down again. His bulgy eyes were fixated on a particular spot in the wall, as if by staring at it he would receive the answers to all life's questions. 

"Yourz brotha twitches a lot. I thinks hez stoopid"

Two briefly considered defending his Twin before deciding to completely yet wordlessly agree.   

"This gamez sucks," Samantha continued, eyes still fixated on the quivering idiot before them.  "Uncle Merovingian saids that youz two woulds be sum fun. Buts youz never play dah game fer long. And Uncle Merovingian nevers come to plays wif me either. He jus says he'll come laters buts never does."

Two slowly turned his head towards the child, a carefully groomed eyebrow rising behind his sunglasses. It appeared the midget was pouring her heart of to him, and since it was apparent she didn't have much of a heart to begin with he imagined the outburst wouldn't take long. He decided to listen. 

"I'm tireds of playing by myself. I'm tireds of jus waiting heres." Samantha's voice then became darker, more sinister, almost as if she had been concealing a greater maturity for them all along. Most disturbing. "He lies to me. I don'ts like uncles whoz lies."

It was then that One snapped his head in their direction, more particularly in the direction of Samantha. Two guessed that whatever she was saying struck a nerve in that shriveled lint-ball his brother called a brain. He strode towards them, and bent down so that he was eye level with the child. 

"You're angry at him, you would say then?" One asked slowly. 

Samantha simply nodded vigorously, a fish-like pout beginning to form. 

"As are we. It is clear that perhaps we have both been manipulated here for the Merovingian's gain."

Two was intrigued. Not only was One making sense (which was something he rarely did, especially when his clothes were dirty), but he was speaking to the child as if she was an equal. Interesting. 

"I have a proposal for you Samantha. If you play your part in it, I can guarantee that you will get something that I think you want very much."

The child looked up at the twin, however her child-like gaze had melted off into a mischievous grin that only the most sophisticated high-priced lawyer could pull off. 

"However," One continued carefully, "you will need to give me that Master Key around your neck. I promise I will not use it without fulfilling my part of the agreement."

Samantha tilted her head to the side. "Hows can I bes so sures youz nots lying to mez like my uncle?" 

Smart. Very Smart. 

"Because," One answered, "I give you my word as a Wicked Cool Mutha Fucka Bad Ass Assassin."

"Oh. Okay."

**********************************************************************

The Merovingian yawned and scratched his refined derriere as he exited the tanning room of the Pretty Betsy Nail Salon. Normally a nail salon would not offer regular tanning sessions, however the Merovingian had decided to re-program the humble abode so that it could "better suit his needs." He seemed to use that excuse a lot in life. 

Smiling, the Merovingian examined his now glistening orange skin, pleased with the results of spending four hours in the cancer box. He re-wrapped his body in the fluffy pink bathrobe he was wearing earlier so that he looked like some sort of exotic sushi. 

"Mr. Merovingian?" A voluptuous attendant was standing in the doorway, holding various bottles of moisturizer. "You wanted me to tell you when 6 hou-"

"Is it that time already?" The Merovingian interrupted, grabbing one of the bottles from her hands and unscrewing the lid to smell the delicious peach-imitated scent. He was always sure to follow the three rules he had instilled for himself in becoming one of the most powerful programs in the Matrix. One: to always be five…gazillion steps ahead of your enemies. Two: to never let your wife know that you had more varieties of bubble bath than she did. And Three: moisturize, moisturize, moisturize! 

"Yes sir, it is that time."

"Excellent." The Merovingian dipped his finger into the bottle and carefully rubbed some lotion onto his T-zone as he followed the young woman to the door the Twins had entered nearly 6 hours before. He was sure that either he would find the Twins in some sort of induced Zen after learning how to handle such a stressful situation, or they would be a quivering drooling mess in the corner. Either way would provide some entertainment. 

Still clutching the bottle of moisture as if it were a newborn infant, the Merovingian took out a key from the bathrobe pocket and put it into the simple golden lock- turning slowly. Perhaps this test was extreme, but that twit program Samantha would never leave him alone if he didn't deliver _someone_ for her to play with. Besides, he was convinced the Twins wouldn't have wanted to wait 6 hours in the waiting room for him anyway. 

The door slowly creaked open and the Merovingian stepped inside, briefly glancing back at the salon attendants who were preparing for his FULL body exfoliation treatment. He was always careful to lift all the dead skin cells from every single body part imaginable. Perhaps afterwards he would consider a bikini wax. After all, it was beach season. 

Satisfied with their preparations, he closed the door behind him.

However, once fully inside the room the Merovingian was surprised at the darkness that surrounded him. There was not a single light to be seen, and he briefly wondered if he had used the wrong key and entered some sort of default setting. He could not even see his manicured hands in front of his perfectly framed eyes.  

Grumbling in French, the Merovingian fumbled around in his bathrobe pockets for another key to exit the program. It was then that he heard what sounded like a high-pitched giggle from somewhere in the distance. He stopped his searching immediately and tried his best to correct his code from letting the hairs on his neck stand on end.

"Allo?" he asked, licking his lips nervously. 

Silence. 

A little more desperate to leave now, the Merovingian tried his other pocket. He began to absently sing softly in an effort of comfort himself. 

"I'm not a giiirrl.. Not Yet a womannn."

The Merovingian froze when he heard the chilling laughter again. It seemed to almost slither through the air like an inky serpent.   

He cursed himself for only bringing a bottle of moisturizer for protection. 

"Allo? Who is there?" he almost stammered. 

"NOW!" 

Before the Merovingian could tell what was happening he was grabbed roughly from behind, his expensive bottle of lotion springing out of his hands and spilling all over the carpet. The key he used to enter was snatched out of his palm, while is pockets were frisked simultaneously for his other keys. The last thing the Merovingian remembered was something heavy whacking him on the head that screeched "PET ME!"

*********************************************************************

"Wakes up sweepy heads!"

The Merovingian groaned as his eyes fluttered open slowly. The room was blurry; almost as if it were covered in some sort of thick fog. His head throbbed with unimaginable pain, each blood vessel practically screamed under the surface of his skin. 

"I SAID WAKES UP!" The squealing voice sounded again, and the Merovingian was promptly slapped in the face. 

"OW!" 

That slap forced the room into focus and he gasped with horror as he recognized the glittery walls and bubble-gum pink carpet. His eyes then settled on the small child with abnormally big eyes and crooked teeth smiling like an ax-murderer and sitting across from him. Her grin was so big that she must have cracked several hundred dimples producing it. 

It was then that the Merovingian realized he was tied quite tightly to a chair. 

A very very small chair. 

"Oh merde…" he whispered. 

"Yoo hoo! Over here you ass!" 

The Merovingian turned his head towards the calls but only chocked with terror at the sight he saw before him. There stood both the Twins, a fiendish smile gracing their lips and the key to get out of the room twirling around One's finger.  They were casually standing by an open door that led to the salon, Two's foot halfway through the exit. 

The Merovingian began to sweat through his bathrobe.

"We're so sorry to leave you now," Two purred, "but I'm afraid that we're spent quite enough time here. After all, I know Samantha can't wait to get her hands on you."

"You WOULD'NT!" The Merovingian spat, shaking in his seat. 

"Oh we would." 

"And we're sure you will acquire some new talents upon the conclusion of your time here."

"If there IS a conclusion."

"Now if you'll excuse us, we're off to have some fun with your bank accounts."

"Taa-taa Samantha! We'll do lunch sometime!"

With that the Twins glided through the exit, One humming a familiar Mentos song loudly and Two doing some deranged version of the Cha-Cha, before they slammed the door loudly. The noise quaked through the room, echoing off the massive sparkly walls. 

The Merovingian whimpered, resisted the urge to scream like a girl and then hesitantly turned his head back towards the child's direction; half hoping it was all a dream. Samantha was still there, grinning even more widely than before, and clutching what looked like a small empty container of sorts. 

"Tea?" 

*******************************************************************

 "Well that was fun."

"Indeed."

"But I do recall a promise you made to me that we are now free to fulfill." One squirmed a bit, clearly anticipating something greatly. Almost as if he were a child himself…

Two sighed knowingly, and turned to his brother, clapping him on the back affectionately as they headed for the salon doors.

"Bun-poking?"

"FUCK YEAH!"

The Twins closed the door behind them, the clang of its metal frame producing a bell like sound that tingled throughout the store. The now seventeen attendants and three people sitting in the waiting room simply stared after the two strange customers as they walked down the street and out of sight. All of them could only think and wonder one thing; Why did one of them have a glittery pink saddle strapped around his waist?

THE END 


End file.
